Want or Fantasy

Before we can manifest the life we want, we have to identify what it is that we really want. Most people’s ideas of what they want originate from their egos or identities or even popular culture. We often want things for the idea of things; we often want things that do not include the cost of having those things.

In my coaching experience, it is rare to have somebody come to me with a really clear idea about what they want. If they say, “I want a great relationship”, then we’ll start talking about what it takes to have a great relationship. Often times, however, people are not willing to do what it takes to have the great relationship. A simple example of this idea is wanting a boat. Lots of us want a boat, but boats are a lot of work and require a lot of maintenance and funding. They require working and being successful to a certain level that we can afford to have them. More often than not, most people who want a boat do not want the responsibilities that go along with it.

A lot of what we call “wanting” in our culture is more like fantasizing; it’s not taking the whole picture into account. When we really get to what we want, a lot of the time these things are seemingly not “A+ material” and require us to look into parts and places of ourselves that traditionally we have not been able to explore. These are things like wanting a great relationship—and wanting to put in the effort to get it—or wanting to be at peace with ourselves, or other thing like this. So, the first stage at getting what we want is by making clear what it is we really want. The second stage is to realize what has to change in you so that you can have what it is you really want.

A Word on Wanting…

In order to talk about wanting, we must first talk about having.

There is nothing wrong with having. Having is fun; we have so much, so let’s enjoy it.

Wanting, however, is a huge problem. As soon as we want, we experience lack. Lack is a hollow feeling, an anxious feeling. Contrary to popular belief, we do not have to want to have. They are in fact opposites.

Over 90% of our suffering is from wanting. Even if I “have” a pain in my back, 90% of that suffering is “wanting” it to end. In the moment itself the pain is not so bad; however, the fear it will never end is what causes the majority of the suffering.

Here’s an example. You are fine, content… then you pick up a magazine and see someone wearing a Cartier with a beautiful man/woman on his/her arm. All of a sudden you have a hollow feeling and some anxiety and now you are wanting, something is wrong, you need to fix it, you need money, how will you get it, no time to relax, get to work… Now, you are stuck with anxiety and a job you don’t love; consequently, you lose your freedom yet are still wanting…

There is nothing wrong with having; it is wanting that is the problem.

What wants are you willing to surrender so that you can have your life?