The Key to Self-Acceptance

The more you uncover yourself, the more you can accept who you are. The act of uncovering yourself is like going through darkness or a shadowy area. On the other side of uncovering who you are is the opportunity to discover approval for yourself. As you identify the parts of yourself that you do not accept, you can find a way of gaining approval for them.

This is a part of what we do at the Freedom Experience; we look into all of those things that we have repressed and judged about ourselves, and we talk about how they are necessary parts of a whole human. For example, judging that we are lazy or slothful is also the part of us that allows us to rest. How much do you honor the part of you that needs rest and nurturing?  Or we may discover that the part of us that gets angry is also the part of ourselves that wants to take care of us.

Love,
Kyle

Your True Intentions

A client recently asked me, “How do you form an intention from the heart?” The short answer is you can’t; it’s impossible. You can only discover what your intention is. Inspiration is not something we are in charge of, so the best we can do is to uncover and identify it. Like in Inquiry Method with the Mountain Experience, we just uncover intent, not form it. In other words, You cannot do anything that you do not want to do.

This idea is part of surrendering to oneself, surrendering to God, surrendering to life; however you want to say it, you have to just keep discovering. Opinion itself is actually pointless; we are just here to discover the truths about ourselves and you are going to be most powerful when you are most like yourself. You have to work to be in alignment with your authentic intentions rather than some kind of artificially driven intentions. The best you can do is be more like yourself.

We get taught that we are supposed to be different from who we are, but it’s about accepting who we are and discovering that from a place of acceptance. There are three points to this: resistance, which is non-acceptance; acceptance, which is kind of neutrality towards something; and approval, which is enthusiastic engagement towards something. And we can relate to ourselves in any of those three ways. We can relate to ourselves through resistance, or through non-acceptance of ourselves, we can relate to ourselves through acceptance, or through tolerating and being okay with ourselves, or we can work towards approval and approving who we really are.

Love,
Kyle

Authoring Your Life

Most people think of their mind as their controlling mechanism. However I believe that when we examine it more deeply we find that the mind is rarely strong enough to go against our inner desire or when it does it is to our detriment. We think that thinking can or will override what our actual intention is or what we actually want.

In Inquiry Method we’re looking to derail the mindset that thought has authority over ourselves; in Inquiry Method the only real authority is our inner source, where our intention already exists even before we think about it. Sometimes our minds try to override our true desires and intentions with intellectual or mental intentions or actions. If we can identify these thoughts and set them aside, and look deeper, we can find out what it is that we really want on the deepest level and live our lives from that.

The Mountain Experience ultimately helps you liberate yourself to connect with your source. The focus of the Mountain Experience is on the emotional things that obscure and overlay the ability to sense into what we really want, our source.

It’s important to talk about what we mean by feelings when we discuss source. There are two kinds of feelings: emotional feelings and inner-knowing feelings. When we’re talking about inner-knowing feeling, this is about uncovering our true intentions and true desires and embracing them. Desire and intentions are intimately tied together.

In our culture, women, much more so than men, have not been allowed to have or express their desires; consequently, women in particular really need to learn to develop their own approval for their desires. Desire is the key to intention and is what we mean by authoring our life, a life built on our actual desire. When we’re really in touch with our authentic desires, not just the intellectual ones or the emotionally reactive ones we become powerful and manifest the lives we want.

Sometimes we confuse other people too, because we tell others that our desire is this when what we actually want is that. People often say one thing and then do something totally different when they are not fully in touch with their authentic desires. I encourage you to connect with your inner knowing and to become in alignment with your true desires. I invite you to use me as a guide to help filter through the noise to help you connect with your true self.

Love,

Kyle

Liberation

First, you want to survive.

Second, you have needs.

Third, you want fairness.

Fourth, you have wants.

Fifth, you are ready to listen.

And at last, you are ready for truth.

~ Kyle Mercer

Opinion and Truth

There is a big difference between your opinion and the truth.

Opinions are imposed, truth is shared.

Opinions can be argued, truth cannot.

Opinions need defending, truth does not.

Opinions are thoughts, truth is self evident.

Opinions come from you, truth comes through you.

Opinions are arrogant, truth is humble.

Opinions are force, truth is love.

Opinions create separation, truth brings us together.

Opinions can be owned, the truth is for everyone.

Truth can be proved, opinions cannot.

Truth is found through inquiry, opinions are invented at whim.

You don’t get credit for the truth, only your capacity to hear it.

Truth told as an opinion loses its power.

We each have a choice which one to hold most dear, but they can never be equal.

~ Kyle Mercer

Be

Be
Ready to be humbled
If you wish to grow
The capacity for love
And a heart that will be
Of service to life

Be
Ready to be humbled
If you wish to have
Friends who are true
And see you for who you are

Be
Ready to be humbled
If you wish to learn
More than you know

Be
Ready to be humbled
If you wish to know truth

Be
Ready to be humbled

Be

Poem by Kyle Mercer

Is it Mine?

One thing that we do not often talk about, although it is important to notice or be aware of, is the idea that we are not living in isolation. The more we grow and the more sensitive we become, although we can become more resilient, we still become more aware of and more connected to all that is going on around us. However, we hardly recognize the impacts of the interactions and the interdependency that we have with everything around us. Not only the people that we directly interact with every day, but also happenings in our community, or even the news cycle. One way or another, everybody is affected either emotionally or energetically by these things.

I do not mean energetically like some vague mystical ideal; I mean that we are actually exposed to being connected and experiencing the energy of other people and things around us on a massive scale. This is in the same way the moon’s gravity affects the tides in the ocean; we are affected by changes in the environment and emotional atmosphere around us.

Often times, as you continue along your path of growth, you may start to recognize that what you are experiencing is not always yours, and that waves of moods and feelings may go through you, or even experiences that are not directly yours to deal with. It is helpful to recognize, declare, admit, that sometimes what you are experiencing is not actually yours. It is extremely beneficial to develop the ability to recognize the dichotomy between what is yours and what is not.

Giving Self-Away

The subject of giving self-away could, and may eventually be, a book in and of itself; it is such a profound and meaningful subject. Giving self-away is a process that we do in our culture, with families and friends, and even with material things such as cars and money, and even concepts. It is a coping mechanism, and it is also a form of an attempt to materialize the self, to extend myself beyond myself into things and concepts around me.

Giving self-away is when I take part of my source or spirit, and invest it in something outside of myself. Meaning that I tie my well-being, happiness, or self-worth to something that is outside of my control or present experience.

When I give myself away, and tie myself to something outside myself, I may identify it as love, dependence, responsibility for, or accountability. It is often done out of extreme goodwill, the desire to help somebody else, a function of neediness or a lack of self-worth; but it is not the positive thing we make it out to be.

Imagine if you could take a part of your soul or spirit, and attach it to another person. Imagine a part of your spirit connecting to them, perhaps you can imagine with a thread or a string attached from your heart to the other person. In this arrangement, everything that happens to them, everything they do, say and experience feels like you are experiencing it with them. Even if you are not there, you may imagine what they are going through, and in this case, there is a hyper awareness and dependency on their experience for your well-being. At times, when things are going well for them, this may feel great. Other times, if they are suffering or challenged, it will likely feel terrible.

Now imagine they reciprocate, where they do the same and give themselves to you. When this happens, I call it entanglement. Entanglement is when I have given myself to someone, and they have done the same for me, meaning our well beings are now tied to the well-being of the other.

In our culture, we often view this as care or love; when my loved one suffers, I suffer. In fact, I have found in my work that the more compassion, or understanding that I can be towards someone, that can be more helpful. However, if it is given in the form of empathy, and the person is going through the emotional ride with them, it tends to diminish the help or support that is given. Because both people are now feeling the struggle and both need help in processing dealing with the struggle. Studies have demonstrated the dramatic difference on the brain between compassionate understanding and empathetic distress.

When I draw this diagram of entanglement during The Mountain Experience, it is clear that these entangled nets of giving self away and interdependence creates substances. When you have this web, you can see that if anyone is in an emotional reaction, it tugs at everyone in the web and makes everyone less present. Again, you often see this in families that when one person is struggling, everyone is in the struggle. In every example, it is clear that it is better to be empathetic than to actually be entangled with someone else’s pain. It is wonderful to be empathetic to understand someone else’s experience but it is not helpful if we are immersed in someone else’s experience.

While it is still viewed as a positive and loving thing, this act can have detrimental effects on both parties. When you give yourself away to another person, you tend to want to control that person. Because your spirit is attached, you have an emotional involvement in what happens with them. When they are not behaving as I wanted, I then tend to resent them or want to manipulate them. When I have given myself away and the person is succeeding, I either feel jealous, or feel that I am succeeding and start to take some of their energy or success from them. When someone else has given themselves away to me, I can often feel fearful or dependent on them. If they leave me, I am at risk, I may lose some of my own strength or capacity, or can become dependent, weak or needy.

Next week we will continue this blog and explore the effects of giving self away on relationships.

Experiencing Your Feelings

Fear, hurt, sadness, anger…none of these feelings are so bad if we are willing to just experience them without judgment. You may find that simply by experiencing your feelings they suddenly have less power or importance. You may also find that they are actually giving you important information that you might miss if you ignore them. Start to become more comfortable with all feelings; you have the capacity to experience them and realize they are not so bad.

Your Choice: Victimhood or Freedom

The worst position you can put yourself in life is victimhood. Victimhood means that how you feel, what is happening in your life, and your results of your endeavors are all outside of your control. Freedom, on the other hand, is the opposite of victimhood. Freedom means that you take 100% responsibility and awareness of your situation and inner reactions to things. Freedom comes from the ability to not only accept the unacceptable but to also approve of everything that is happening in life.

The power of approving everything that is happening in your life creates an entirely different interpretation of life that is profoundly impactful. When I am in approval of everything that happens in my life, when I am looking into why something is happening rather than focusing on simply the fact that it’s happening to me, I start to find a magical, serendipitous flow and I fill the capacity within myself to step into opportunities that I would otherwise be blinded to.

Just this morning, a friend was planning to visit me before heading off to the airport. But, due to traffic, they were unable to come by. However, instead of being disappointed, we can see that if they hadn’t made that appointment with me they would never have made it to the airport on time. So, we can either be bothered by life’s little foibles, or we can look to see how they are supporting us. And the further and deeper we look, the more abundance and support we discover in life.

Choose Freedom!