Inviting Others to the Mountain Experience

Many of you have been deeply impacted in one way or another by the Mountain Experience. For the majority of you it has been a life-changing event that, as I hear from many of you, you think about every day. Even if you have not attended the mountain experience, I encourage you to learn more about it and share it with your friends. In fact, we as human beings often want to share such a beneficial experience with other people that seem struggling or limited in some way as they could really use the insight that is provided by the Mountain Experience.

Encouraging or inviting someone to come can be a real challenge because we do not always have the tools or the perspective to share the Mountain Experience with another person. The opportunity most often occurs when somebody is suffering or challenged. Our typical habit when somebody else is suffering or challenged is to drop into telling, to advising, to comforting, to all sorts of different modes that do not really offer the support that someone else is needing. The most powerful way to interact with someone is through inquiry because they just want to be understood or heard.

If you find someone that seems to be struggling in some way, then you can apply inquiry with a desire to not fix them but to truly understand what is going on for them. When you do this, you will see them open up; you will see them go deeper into their awareness about what is happening to them. In that openness, if you can simply recognize the shared humanity, the shared underpinnings that we all have, and recognize what they have that you have, you will form a compassionate connection. Once you feel that connection, once you have recognized the shared humanities and struggles around life, then you can say “You know, I have felt that way personally and I still feel that way sometimes, and I did something, the Mountain Experience, that really made a big difference in how I see things and it really made it easier for me.”

Once you have shared that, you can stop, and just see if something lights up in the person with whom you are speaking. And if something does light up in them, they will usually ask you a question like, “Do you think that would help me?” At that point it is really important to only answer the question at the level at which they ask it. So, for example, if someone asks, “Do you think that could help me?”, the very best response is “I don’t know, it helped me, so maybe you should check it out- would you like me to send you a link or have someone call you?” And then it is essentially off your plate, as we here at Inquiry Method will take care of the rest.

The main thing to remember here is you should not try to fix them or say they need the Mountain Experience; it is much better to present it as an opportunity or invitation. You should convey that the mountain experience worked for you when you were dealing with similar issues, and say you hope it will do the same for them. The very best outcome is to get their permission for someone to call them, and then let us know, and we will be happy to follow up and have an initial conversation with them to see if attending the Mountain Experience would be a beneficial endeavor.

The Power of Being Real

I have been aware lately, through listening to my clients and even just watching our culture, how we have been taught to protect and hide what is going on inside of us. There is this egoic aspect of ourselves that wants to project out a certain image, or face, to the world. We have been taught and think that doing this is going to give us the most control or power over life, but this is not entirely true. We end up relating to each other’s external shells, and because they do not match the inner situation, it ends up creating a lot of problems and miscommunications and misunderstandings.

I have watched a few TV shows lately, and I have just noticed how all of the problems, whether in a sitcom or a drama, do not come from people being bad or evil at heart; they come from miscommunication. Almost every show is about how things are miscommunicated and then go wrong. I have noticed this even in myself- I am very careful and precise about how I say things, but others may not be able to accurately hear and understand what I am trying to say due to their own personal filter’s and interpretations. And that’s why in Inquiry Method™ the focus is on paying particular attention to what somebody is saying—and even the energy behind it—and truly just listening to them. It is also even about getting curious about what is underneath the shell that we present to the outside world. This idea is about showing the inside on the outside.

I was just speaking with a client about her relationship with her daughter and with her mother, and every time we came back to my client’s desire to take care of one of her family members in some way, we realized her issue around this would be solved so much easier by her expressing her own inner struggle around it. So, this would be like instead of trying to fix her daughter’s problem, she could say “You know, as a mother, I am having a challenge right now because I would really like to support you right now and I do not know how, but do you have any ideas?” That is showing inner vulnerability, and it seems so simple and obvious, but it is not the thing that we say. Instead we give advice, and try to fix, and try to push our agenda on someone else, which usually just makes things more complicated.

It is just amazing how just the most obvious vulnerable thing that is going on inside of us can allows the situation to move forward. It is the same thing when I am working with couples; if we can just say the thing that is going on inside of ourselves—not so much the emotion, just whatever is happening—not only does that help someone else understand us better, but then we can also put our finger on our own problem too.

In a big-picture view, Inquiry Method™ seems so simple, yet at the same time ‘simple’ is so not what we do. Sometimes I feel bad about the fact that my work in and of itself seems so simple, yet the results are always extremely profound, which is how I know I am doing things right.

Essentially, to improve all of our relationships and interactions in life, the best thing we can do is to get our insides on the outside.

Your Choice: Victimhood or Freedom

The worst position you can put yourself in life is victimhood. Victimhood means that how you feel, what is happening in your life, and your results of your endeavors are all outside of your control. Freedom, on the other hand, is the opposite of victimhood. Freedom means that you take 100% responsibility and awareness of your situation and inner reactions to things. Freedom comes from the ability to not only accept the unacceptable but to also approve of everything that is happening in life.

The power of approving everything that is happening in your life creates an entirely different interpretation of life that is profoundly impactful. When I am in approval of everything that happens in my life, when I am looking into why something is happening rather than focusing on simply the fact that it’s happening to me, I start to find a magical, serendipitous flow and I fill the capacity within myself to step into opportunities that I would otherwise be blinded to.

Just this morning, a friend was planning to visit me before heading off to the airport. But, due to traffic, they were unable to come by. However, instead of being disappointed, we can see that if they hadn’t made that appointment with me they would never have made it to the airport on time. So, we can either be bothered by life’s little foibles, or we can look to see how they are supporting us. And the further and deeper we look, the more abundance and support we discover in life.

Choose Freedom!

Kyle’s Process for Surrender to Life’s Challenges

Inquiry Method’s fundamental three step process for surrender to life’s challenges:

1. Change it. Go ahead. Change your circumstances.

… If you cannot change it or you decide not to:

2. Resist it & be unhappy.

Or,

3. Accept it & be at peace.

Tapping Into Your True Nature

I was teaching at the Mountain Experience today, and guiding participants to explore their true nature. There is some  confusion about true nature, and what one’s true nature is. In fact, there is a certain part of some people that believes that there is something wrong with their true nature. There is nothing wrong with who you are: that is either the mind, emotions or the ego trying to solidify you into something other than what you are.

The best way to discover, learn or understand who you are; is to reflect on the certain moments in your life when you were in a condition, place or situation when everything drops away. For some people it is in nature, at a certain place, with their children or a lover, or in a certain situation where they truly feel and tap into their true essence. Each one of us have had a moment where we can truly  relax and our true essence can come out. It  may come out as love, gratitude, appreciation, joy, happiness, lightness or ease. Think of a moment when you feel most yourself, when your truest self came forward; reflect on what came out of you when your real authentic radiated.

I want you to know that your true essence is always there, even when you are in struggle, full of emotion or in difficult situations. Underneath all that angst, the fundamental you is just like the you that comes out in the very best situations. This work we are doing in Inquiry Method is the work to shed everything that is not that, so your true self can naturally come more truly and authentically to the surface.

The Second Most Powerful Change in My Life

Okay, I know this sounds like a tease, because the title is called “the second most powerful change”. So, before we begin, I will tell you the first most powerful change in my life. The first is the change resulting from a combination of awareness and intent. The moment that I become aware that I would like to grow a specific aspect of my life, a great power is achieved when I combine that awareness with the intent to take action.

I realized that when I first become aware of a perceived shortcoming, there tends to be a phase of discouragement, hopelessness, or despair. This awareness can be viewed as a place where we can get stuck in the short, medium, or even long term. When we create intent, we create the capacity and ability to grow. With the use of intent and awareness, we can this a problem by developing a larger capacity of ourselves. This can mean finding more love, being more engaged and appreciative, or having more gratitude. Thus, this combination of intent and awareness is undoubtedly the most powerful change in my life.

Now, we will move on to the second most powerful change in my life (and it may be self-serving). The second: getting support (after I have found that combination of awareness and intent). This can be done in so many different ways, through so many different avenues. Personally, I get support in the form of coaching; in fact, I have between three and five coaches at a given time. I also just found an incredible yoga teacher, and he is becoming my aliveness coach. His coaching has put me in a profound state, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. No matter who you’re getting help from, finding someone to help you is incredibly powerful.

As we grow, help becomes more and more accessible. For example, when I started coaching, there were very few coaches out there. In fact, we thought we created personal or executive coaching. Now, there is a plethora of extremely powerful coaches available. That’s another thing that makes reaching out for help so great: the more people want it, the more accessible it becomes.

And this isn’t a self-promotion: it doesn’t matter if you choose me or someone else, though I do have specific skills to awaken people and help them make monumental shifts in their lives. No matter who, you can find a coach for anything: aliveness or consciousness, relationships, business, dating, physical fitness, or diet, among many others. There are an infinite variety of people that have experience and are available for you to utilize for your self-improvement.

If you look at my previous blog of dysfunctional independence, I express that we are a culture who think we have to do it all our selves. It is not what we used to do historically or aboriginally; we used to have teachers, guides, shamans, people that would teach us their great knowledge and skill.

I theorize that coaching works because of the unique and close connection between two people as wisdom and knowledge is being passed on. There is a transference, an energetic engagement that allows us to go to a much higher level than we can on our own. In addition, when we engage with a coach, there is a sense of accountability: we know that we will follow-through on what we said we were going to do.

The numerous benefits of coaching are immense, but minimally recognized. While we have made great progress, we are still only starting to understand all of its beneficial impacts. Whatever you want to develop within yourself, you simply need to first combine awareness and intent, and then find someone to help you. You do not have to stay in despair and frustration, and you can truly manifest and bring all you want into your life.

Wishing you great awareness, intent, and connection. May you have all that you wish for.

Happy New Year!

What potential rests in a new year for you? Consider writing about what you would like to manifest in yourself and your consciousness over the next year. Areas of consideration: what changes or development would you like to see in:

  • Your emotional self?
  • Your mental self?
  • Your creative self?
  • Your connection with others?
  • Your relationship to self and,
  • Your relationship to life?

I recommend you take the time to sit down and write a paragraph for each area of consideration. Use this as guidance for preparing and developing your coming year. Find activities, books and other ways to develop in each one of these areas for 2018.

Life is so precious and we can take it so casually. Let us use this opportunity of a new year to get clear and create intention about calling in an amazing life.

Happy New Year!

With love,

Kyle

Once I Did Not Know…

Please add to the list your wisdom in the form “Once I did not know”… Here are some of mine.

Once I did not know
My story is infinite

Once I did not know
I don’t have to believe my thoughts

Once I did not know
Love comes from the inside out

Once I did not know
Life is on my side

Once I did not know
I am beautiful

Once I did not know
Everyone wants love

Once I did not know
Life gets longer as you pay attention

Once I did not know
Presence is everything

Once I did not know
Nobody has it down

Once I did not know
To ask the question

Once I did not know…

Vulnerability: The Willingness to be Changed

There’s a lot of misunderstanding about what vulnerability is. That’s because there are many definitions; in fact, in the Inquiry Method™, we create our own definitions to make sure everyone is on the same page.

In our culture, the word “vulnerability” is often used as a synonym for “weakness”. When we have lots of emotional pain, and have not done any work to release it, and are not solid inside, vulnerability can be negative. We don’t have enough security in ourselves to be that vulnerable.

My Inquiry Method™ definition, however, has nothing to do with weakness. To me, “vulnerability” is “the willingness or ability to be changed”. It can be a huge asset in someone who is whole, healed, and grounded. For example, I am vulnerable in a conversation, because I am willing and open to being affected by what you are saying. In my groundedness, I am open to hearing feedback and being changed by it. In a grounded person, vulnerability is being able to know and share a deeper truth.

Doing the work of Inquiry allows us to approach this new level, where vulnerability is sharing instead of weakness.

Self-Love

Recently, I received a question from someone that follows my blogs. The essence of the question was: “How do I love myself?

This is a really important and critical question at many levels of growth. How do we truly honor and love ourselves even when we are so clearly imperfect, struggling or having strong negative feelings? The capacity to love oneself is tricky because we have not identified which part of us is doing the loving and which part is being loved. Let us think about the question of self-love through the lens of the three aspects of self that we refer to in Inquiry Method™: mind, body and source.

If we think about loving ourselves from the mind or conditional love, this is coming from the ego, which generally comes through having accomplishments, meeting expectations, or achieving goals etc. That conditional love is not the kind of love that most are looking for or want. In many cases we may be matching up with an ideal that we or other people have set for ourselves. Conditional love will never satisfy that yearning for love, because it can be withdrawn at any time and it is based upon what we may be doing or what is happening right now, not who we are.

Another form of love that we associate with the body is emotional love or passionate love. Emotions are carried by and can be recognized in our physical bodies. Emotional love is a special gift that we get at certain moments in our lives; when we are feeling particularly inspired about what is happening right now, an experience, when in nature or beauty, or just in connection with this deep emotional love of being in life, with another person, or by ourselves. Essentially, it is loving towards ourselves for no reason. This emotional love is wonderful, but it is also transitory; meaning it cannot be held on to or manifested at will. Some may be able to practice connecting with emotional love through loving practices or loving meditations, but essentially it will still be transitory, like the weather.

The third kind of love is a love from source or soul; and this love is unconditional love. This love requires us to drop in to our larger selves, meaning that we have to step into that part of us that is larger than our intellectual nature (mind), or our emotional nature (body). This larger broader self or higher self recognizes the needs of the mental and emotional self and hold space for it. Meaning: loving unconditionally. It is not the same as romantic love or the emotional love, it is more like holding space and deep acceptance for the frailties in our struggles and in this experience of being human.

I practice loving from source when I go to bed at night, in particular, I will drop into that more soulful part of me and be there for the part of me mentally and emotionally that has gone through the day and suffered through the “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” – as Shakespeare has said.

Of the three different mechanisms for self-love, the most relevant to the Inquiry Method™ is the love from source: the capacity to hold that larger, safer, non-reactive, nonjudgmental, unconditional love, that does not feel like passionate love, or pride, or self-esteem but is profoundly self-accepting.

As a bonus, the more we are able to discover and do this for ourselves, the more we are able to love and hold that space for others. I model this in the Mountain Experience, Freedom Experiences and the other experiences that I create. It is part of what draws people so much to those experiences, is having an experience where someone is holding that profound and deep safety and acceptance without judgment for another person. As you practice this for yourself, you will increase your capacity to hold that space and be that for others.

Love,

Kyle