Living a Desire Based Life

I recommend a life based on desire. But, how do we know what we want? How do we get to know ourselves?

To get to know your desires, you tap into your source. Get quiet, wait, and see what you desire. Don’t put your attention on your mind or your emotions. Just wait. And, some desire will pop up.

Try it now, ask yourself: What’s one thing you’d like to get out of today?

It’s not a thought, not a should, not a reaction to the emotional body. It comes from your source. Get quiet, and wait for a desire to pop up. This is the best way to tap into who you are.

You might be thinking that you don’t know. But, you can actually tap into what you desire. Just be patient, you can always find a desire somehow/someway.

Acknowledging desire goes against everything we’ve been taught, particularly for the feminine. But, my recommendation is to honor and recognize your desires. It’s an unfolding and opening process to acknowledge them.

Here is a great exercise for acknowledging desires:

Sit down and start writing them down. I desire… I desire… I desire… Or, have a friend do desire pulling with you. Either way, do it for 20 full minutes. Have them ask “What do you desire?” over and over and each time just say the first thing that pops into your head. Get really free with it, like nobody is watching or listening. Don’t monitor it.

It could be a donut or a coffee, but the farther you get into the feel of it, the more deeper things will come up. And, you’ll feel yourself connecting with your deeper desires.   

For instance, you can play with material outcomes. I desire a new outfit.  I desire a new car. I’d like a million dollars.

But, in Inquiry Method, I’d also ask follow-up questions about what it would mean to you or what it would feel like. That’s where you’ll start to feel the connection to your desires.

And then you can start to recognize and honor them – that you want to feel them, that you want to experience them.

On the other hand, you may find yourself starting to think you can’t have what you desire. That’s ok, too. Once it’s out there, then you can start to work with it. And, it’s amazing, the more you start to bring them out, the more they start happening.

Your desire starts to be a compass point. And as you stay present with it, the desires start growing around you. Just by putting your attention on it.

It starts to get you out of the cage. It’s not necessarily to the end of dissatisfaction, but more to a recognition of what is really true for you – a recognition of what you’d like to feel, or what experience you’d like to have.

It’s Not Personal

The other day, I was working on a task with a friend. When I was struggling with the task, I found it affecting my mood. As my mood was affected, I noticed that my friend’s mood was also changing. When I asked her if she was taking it personally, she replied, “No, I am not”. Because I also coach my friend, I took the opportunity to explain that, even though she may not have blamed herself for how I was feeling, I could tell that she was still taking it personally. Here’s how I knew:

If my bad mood is negatively affecting someone elses, they are subconsciously taking it personally. As soon as that person judged me, they began to turn that judgment on themselves. They began to project how I was feeling onto themselves, and were brought to Level II: entanglement.

It’s very challenging to always be completely unaffected by other people. This blog is to make people mindful of the mood shifts that are caused by others. Start to be much more mindful. When you take it personally, see it as a great opportunity to make a shift in your consciousness. When you begin to take note of these experiences, you will find huge opportunities for growth and development. Eventually, you will even have the potential to become less affected by these people.

If this is something that you find happens with you and your spouse, a Couples One-Day and Couples coaching is a perfect opportunity for you. When we start to work with our partner around what we are taking personally, we get huge benefits of love and intimacy. We find that entanglement is not the highest level of love and intimacy, but is simply a level that we need to transcend.



Broken Shells

I led a One-Day Experience on the beach recently. Literally, we were walking and sitting on a beautiful tropical beach as we talked and worked. Often times, I learn as much in these experiences as the client.

As we walked, we occasionally collected shells.

(You have to understand that beach combing was a major aspect of my childhood experience.)

As we were doing this, I saw my client picking up broken shells.

(In my beachcombing experience broken shells had no value, only perfect ones.)

When I pointed this out she said “Oh yes, I discovered I could just notice all the beautiful parts of each one and accept the flaws”.

Needless to say I experienced much more beauty on the beach that day, grateful for the feminine perspective.

Honoring the Feminine

The feminine aspect of all of us has been dismissed in modern western culture.  In this process, we have put women in a particularly disempowered state and as a result, we have over-emphasized the masculine, leading us into our current condition on the planet and as individuals.

Strong, feminine women in our culture have a choice between being dismissed and disregarded as equal partners or to take their power and apply it in a masculine form, competing with and becoming like men.

Women who truly invest their power in the feminine and are honored by their own masculine become sage like seers into what is needed. They use craft, grace, timing, and love to guide men and the masculine to their highest calling.

Men who are guided to their highest calling by the feminine become courageous protectors and creators.  These masculine creators become protectors of the feminine.  Safety amplifies the feminine ability drop into their deepest expression of love and insight.

Women who feel safe and are listened to and honored have the ability to see deeply into what is needed and what is not serving; men who listen to this become profoundly more effective and potent when they let the feminine inform their actions.  In this context, the masculine is empowered, not diminished by the feminine.

Women and the feminine gifts have been overlooked and diminished in our western culture and in this, we all have paid a huge price.  It is time for a new perspective and a new understanding of how these two forces within us can create a new story for our lives, our relationships and our planet.

The Value of the Feminine

You have a huge capacity within you that has access to vast amounts of information.

You can access information about what is happening right now about you; you can access what is going on with other people; you can perceive what is needed for a group of people; you can find out what is behind your behavior; you can help someone else connect to their information; you can create agreement; you can get help; you can receive guidance; you can perceive love; you can access deep storehouses of love within you; you can project the future; you can communicate without saying a word; you can hear what others are really saying behind their words…the capacities are huge.

These capacities all derive from the feminine capacity within all of us.  They are particularly present in women people.

Much of Inquiry Method is based on our ability to connect with the qualities of the feminine.  My capacity to work with people is a combination of my ability to use my masculine energy but even more critically, to connect with my feminine capacity.

It is critical for our future that we learn to value and use this energy, this perspective.

Women, we need you to learn to connect deeply with your feminine capacity.  We need you to inform us of what is needed, what is wanted, what is missing, to heal our families, our communities, our businesses, and our culture. We need you to speak up and speak from this knowing.  You don’t need to solve it (that is the masculine capacity) just bring the lack or need to our attention.

Men we need, not only be able to access our own feminine, but to learn to cherish and listen to the women around us for guidance, even when it doesn’t seem to make sense to us.  We need the feminine to let us know when we are off track, when we have stopped serving what is wanted, what is best for all of us.

Men, we need to protect women, help them feel safe, so they can give us their love in the form of guidance and awareness.  They will point the way, and then we can focus on doing, building, fixing, and solving the problems, but we should always be informed by the feminine.

We must all together find the balance and synergy of the ideal blend of masculine and feminine that will serve to resolve the problems at every level of human interaction and achievement.  We cannot survive by emphasizing one over the other, these two voices must amplify each other; it is possible and beautiful if we’re able to learn the knack of it.

The Unexpected/Hidden Prejudice

I am experiencing frustration!

Lately, as I have been speaking to female friends and associates, I have been noticing a trend. It could be because it is ripe in the world, or because I am waking up to the awareness, or some of both.

What I am finding is that many women and men on a deep level believe that women have less value than men. That is crazy!

Of course, most of us would not say that we thought that or believed in it, but when I am observing it through the lens of inquiry I have been discovering the basic belief that women are less valuable.

Under examination this belief cannot be true, it is a false premise that affects us all profoundly. We have done much of the outer work around women’s liberation but to go further we must all do the inner work of women’s liberation.

At a core, many believe that the value of women is in their beauty and attractiveness. Many women believe that they lose value as they age.

The truth is that we are desperately missing the contribution of the feminine in our culture, and the masculine is over emphasized. It is not that one is better than the other but that they are designed (evolved) to balance each other. As Jean Houston puts it “we are in need of a mutual co-arising of masculine and feminine”.

The masculine in all of us is about doing, fixing, accomplishing, directing, overcoming, and, in a way creating “what I want”.

The feminine in all of us wants balance, harmony, beauty, right action, supporting the well-being of the collective, what I call tapping into “what is wanted”.

Both these voices need to be heard and integrated.

The maturing woman has grown her capacity to recognize “what is wanted,” this is so valuable it is hard to believe that we cannot see it or value it in our culture. We all must make a change so that we can see, appreciate and value this capacity for what it is truly worth.

I invite you to take a deep dive into yourself, explore your relationship with the feminine and see how it affects and informs how you hold women in your life. If you are a woman, look to see how it affects the way you see yourself. If you are a man, look to see how it affects the way you see and interact with the women in your life and your relationship with the feminine within you.

This blog is just scratching the surface of the topic. Please let me know if you want to hear more about it. I believe it to be one of the critical topics of our time.