Inworthy

Hey everyone! Olivia here. Kyle and I were discussing how the blogs could better serve this community and we came up with the idea of doing a vlog. The idea behind this new form is that the process of Inquiry Method is done is connection and collaboration so we thought we’d share a blog done in connection and conversation. There is also a transcription of this video below if you prefer to read your content.

TRANSCRIPTION

Olivia:

Hi everybody, we thought we would start this week talking about worth. Kyle in our Members’ Calls has talked to us about the concept of “inworthy” so I was going to have him start by explaining that a bit and then I have some personal questions about worth that have been coming up for me in my life that I’ll ask and we’ll see where it leads.

So, Kyle, in the Members’ Calls you were talking to us about the concept of “inworthy” and how you coined that term and I was hoping that you would share that with everybody.

Kyle:

I realized that we needed to have a different conversation around worth. People confuse worthiness with self-esteem.

Self-esteem is being proud of doing something or getting rewarded for doing something and you can’t ever get enough of that to make you feel worthy. We see that all over the place with people who feel like they have to do more, have more, and be more in order to be worthy.

Worthiness is our human birthright. Just the fact that you are here on the planet means that you’re worthy. You’re worthy of love, worthy of attention, you’re worthy of care, you’re worthy to receive love. None of those things are things that can be earned. And when we try to earn them they don’t nourish us in the way that we really need to be nourished.

A lot of this has to do with our capacity to receive from others or to receive from life. The best practice for that is gratitude or acknowledgment. That’s why gratitude practices are such a big thing. Because when we are really grateful it has a quality of worthiness to receive. When we talk about worthy as a question, “am I worthy?” it already sets up the conditions for not being worthy.

That’s why I like to elevate the understanding and say “inworthy”. When we can’t put a price on something we say it’s “invaluable”. This means precious and I can’t put a price on it. So, we are all “inworthy”. Meaning, our worthiness is priceless and extraordinary. When we start to understand that it really changes our relationship with life and receptivity.

It is one of the big challenges I see in relationship. We run into our limit to receive because we don’t believe we are worthy of it. We shut down what the other person or the community is offering and it really blocks the flow of energy and love in connection.

Olivia:

So, is that like the “upper limits” we were talking about last week? The idea that we hit a level of happiness, joy or abundance that we are uncomfortable with and then we have to reset ourselves and come back to our normal.

Kyle:

That’s right. A lot of times in relationship we are giving to get. So, if you are making a contract with me, “I’m going to give you more than you are worthy of, so now you owe me!” If I don’t view you as inworthy than my gifts to you come with a price and you may not want to incur that debt. I may want to retreat so that I’m not getting more than other people think I’m worth because otherwise, I’m going to owe them.

Olivia:

My process this week has been going back to my earliest memories and remembering that I used to have that innate worth. I didn’t used to think about if I deserved something or if I was good enough, or pretty enough, or nice enough. Now, I’m looking at my life today and realizing that somewhere along the way I lost that feeling. I’ve been saying, up until now, I really haven’t felt worthy. My big question to you would be, how do we rekindle or recalibrate ourselves to inworthiness?

Kyle:

As soon as you feel worthy then someone else owes it to you. The ego grabs onto it and I can get mad at the other person for not showing up for how worthy I am. That’s why there is a problem in even having that scale. That’s why gratitude is the way to receive something. If we’re hanging out and say, “I really appreciate being in your space with you,” it completes the loop. You don’t have to give me a housewarming gift or do something extra. Just the receptivity and the acknowledgment is enough.

Olivia:

How do we practice inworthiness outside of relationships, by ourselves? Is it still with gratitude?

Kyle:

Yes, you can do gratitudes with yourself. “What a beautiful life you’ve created” or “look at what you’ve brought into your life”. We were talking about the house plants here the other day and that was you expressing your gratitude for the environment you’re in or what you’re receiving. It’s not for me when you say, “wow I love your plants”. You are just putting your appreciation on what’s here for you.

Kyle and Olivia:

Thanks for joining us!

We want your comments and feedback. We are going to be doing live vlogs more in the future and would love to discuss topics that you are curious about. Please, email or contact us with your questions at info@inquirymethod.com

Question & Answer: How to Begin Your Personal Development Journey

We are starting to do a series of blogs based on questions that have been sent in. The blogs will be created based on dialogue between Olivia and Kyle as he considers the questions.

If you have a question you want to be answered, please email us at info@inquirymethod.com

How do we begin our personal development journey? How do we begin to address those deep childhood wounds?

Consciousness, Letting Go and Altitude

The biggest challenge in the transformational process or the raising of consciousness within the context of Life at Altitude is the ability to recognize what is “I” and what is not “I”. It’s impossible to let go of something that you’re identified with. When someone I work with is identified with their emotional pain they can’t let it go because from the ego’s point of view, it would be suicide.

If I’m identified with my anger, “I am angry”, then I identify as that thing and my consciousness and my awareness are so focused on the anger that I can’t see anything else. In colloquial terms, it’s called “seeing red”. If I am looking at life through anger, as anger, there is no way to let it go. In Inquiry Method, when we’re working with something like anger or sadness, grief, loss or fear, we have to raise up the level of consciousness to, “I feel angry”. If I can get to the place where I recognize “I feel angry” then I am no longer identified with the anger and have, with a little bit of training or re-training, the capacity to let it go. That is the same for any pain or emotional trigger that you have. If you can get separate from it then you can let it go.

Beyond identification with emotions, we can also identify with a belief, idea, or self-image. Whatever self-image we are identified with is difficult to let go of or dis-identify with because we think we are that. Somebody who thinks they are a victim or believes in their victimhood rarely can get out of that mindset until they realize they are just playing the role of a victim. The same goes for when someone believes in their power, their authority, or their importance. It’s hard for people who have been very successful, such as CEOs or presidents of organizations, to let go of their identification with the importance of their station. However, each one of these titles can be a trap. Once we identify with some egoic position, like importance or lack of importance, it’s very hard to let go of – until we can raise our consciousness to the level where we recognize we are just playing a role or a game and that it is not us.

It’s the same with drive. We can identify with whatever drive we have. It is really hard to see myself or see things accurately when I am driven toward anything. It could be a drive toward relationships, toward love, toward money, etc.

The whole key of transformation is to recognize that A) you are not your emotions, B) you are not your thoughts, C) you are not your drives. By developing the skill and capacity to recognize the difference, we become more flexible and more able to transform our lives. We can lift our experience of life into realms that are beyond our current experience.