Inworthy

Hey everyone! Olivia here. Kyle and I were discussing how the blogs could better serve this community and we came up with the idea of doing a vlog. The idea behind this new form is that the process of Inquiry Method is done is connection and collaboration so we thought we’d share a blog done in connection and conversation. There is also a transcription of this video below if you prefer to read your content.

TRANSCRIPTION

Olivia:

Hi everybody, we thought we would start this week talking about worth. Kyle in our Members’ Calls has talked to us about the concept of “inworthy” so I was going to have him start by explaining that a bit and then I have some personal questions about worth that have been coming up for me in my life that I’ll ask and we’ll see where it leads.

So, Kyle, in the Members’ Calls you were talking to us about the concept of “inworthy” and how you coined that term and I was hoping that you would share that with everybody.

Kyle:

I realized that we needed to have a different conversation around worth. People confuse worthiness with self-esteem.

Self-esteem is being proud of doing something or getting rewarded for doing something and you can’t ever get enough of that to make you feel worthy. We see that all over the place with people who feel like they have to do more, have more, and be more in order to be worthy.

Worthiness is our human birthright. Just the fact that you are here on the planet means that you’re worthy. You’re worthy of love, worthy of attention, you’re worthy of care, you’re worthy to receive love. None of those things are things that can be earned. And when we try to earn them they don’t nourish us in the way that we really need to be nourished.

A lot of this has to do with our capacity to receive from others or to receive from life. The best practice for that is gratitude or acknowledgment. That’s why gratitude practices are such a big thing. Because when we are really grateful it has a quality of worthiness to receive. When we talk about worthy as a question, “am I worthy?” it already sets up the conditions for not being worthy.

That’s why I like to elevate the understanding and say “inworthy”. When we can’t put a price on something we say it’s “invaluable”. This means precious and I can’t put a price on it. So, we are all “inworthy”. Meaning, our worthiness is priceless and extraordinary. When we start to understand that it really changes our relationship with life and receptivity.

It is one of the big challenges I see in relationship. We run into our limit to receive because we don’t believe we are worthy of it. We shut down what the other person or the community is offering and it really blocks the flow of energy and love in connection.

Olivia:

So, is that like the “upper limits” we were talking about last week? The idea that we hit a level of happiness, joy or abundance that we are uncomfortable with and then we have to reset ourselves and come back to our normal.

Kyle:

That’s right. A lot of times in relationship we are giving to get. So, if you are making a contract with me, “I’m going to give you more than you are worthy of, so now you owe me!” If I don’t view you as inworthy than my gifts to you come with a price and you may not want to incur that debt. I may want to retreat so that I’m not getting more than other people think I’m worth because otherwise, I’m going to owe them.

Olivia:

My process this week has been going back to my earliest memories and remembering that I used to have that innate worth. I didn’t used to think about if I deserved something or if I was good enough, or pretty enough, or nice enough. Now, I’m looking at my life today and realizing that somewhere along the way I lost that feeling. I’ve been saying, up until now, I really haven’t felt worthy. My big question to you would be, how do we rekindle or recalibrate ourselves to inworthiness?

Kyle:

As soon as you feel worthy then someone else owes it to you. The ego grabs onto it and I can get mad at the other person for not showing up for how worthy I am. That’s why there is a problem in even having that scale. That’s why gratitude is the way to receive something. If we’re hanging out and say, “I really appreciate being in your space with you,” it completes the loop. You don’t have to give me a housewarming gift or do something extra. Just the receptivity and the acknowledgment is enough.

Olivia:

How do we practice inworthiness outside of relationships, by ourselves? Is it still with gratitude?

Kyle:

Yes, you can do gratitudes with yourself. “What a beautiful life you’ve created” or “look at what you’ve brought into your life”. We were talking about the house plants here the other day and that was you expressing your gratitude for the environment you’re in or what you’re receiving. It’s not for me when you say, “wow I love your plants”. You are just putting your appreciation on what’s here for you.

Kyle and Olivia:

Thanks for joining us!

We want your comments and feedback. We are going to be doing live vlogs more in the future and would love to discuss topics that you are curious about. Please, email or contact us with your questions at info@inquirymethod.com

Self Judgment

Hi everyone, this is Peggy. I want to give you a quick summary before we jump into the blog.

Today’s blog centers around a conversation and teaching that happened on one of our recent membership calls and is presented here with permission from the participant. It starts when Kyle asks participants to share one thing they’d like the group to know about them.

It’s about how when we hold judgments on ourselves, we often also take the egoic position of the opposite side of that judgment. And, consequently, we are pulled in two directions: one of judging ourselves for not being x and one that is proudly asserting that we are x. In this blog, we explore that tension and what we can do to free ourselves from it.

We invite you to read the dialogue and teaching below, or you can listen to the audio recording. The audio is a neat way to experience what the membership calls can be like and why coaching is helpful. We also find that often some of your own growth comes from experiencing the new awareness and growth of others.

To learn more about our membership calls, click here

Listen to the audio here, or scroll down to read the conversation and teaching.

Client: One thing I’d like you to know about me is that… I’m shy.

Kyle: How does that show up?

C: I don’t speak up sometimes. Sometimes I just hold back.

K: What’s behind you holding back?

C: Fear of judgment.

K: What’s the judgment you most fear?

C: I don’t know what I’m talking about.

K: Ah, you fear the judgment that you don’t know what you are talking about.

When did you first learn that one? How old were you?

[After the client feels into the original place/people this judgment came from, Kyle switches to some teaching]

K: When we have an existing judgment, i.e. “I don’t know what I’m talking about, “ our psyche puts on the opposite idea as a defense, in this case: “I do know what I’m talking about” or “I want to know what I’m talking about”. It’s not a defense in the moment, but it’s this idea that I’m supposed to do that other thing instead i.e. I’m supposed to know what I’m talking about. And, I start to hold that egoic position of: “I do know what I’m talking about”. And, I get attached to that idea.

And, it pulls us in two directions – we have this judgment on ourselves, and at the same time, we find ourselves attached to that opposite egoic position.

But, we don’t have to live in that tension.

I don’t know if you notice but when I’m teaching there is both a quality that I do know what I’m talking about and there is also a quality that I don’t know what I’m talking about. The heart of inquiry is open curiosity- a total willingness to be informed differently, it’s kind of like: Hey this is kind of my best shot at it.

There is so much freedom in having no position on knowing what I’m talking about, not that I do or don’t. Sometimes I do know what I’m talking about and sometimes I don’t.

At the Freedom Experience, we sometimes put these opposing ideas metaphorically in each hand. In this example, “I know what I’m talking about” would be in one hand and “I don’t know what I’m talking about” in the other. And we can see visually, that we get stuck in this duality.  I’m trying to repress that I don’t know what I’m talking about and simultaneously, I’m trying to amplify that I do know what I’m talking about. So, the hands/our psyche gets pulled apart. But, when we let go of the energy between them, the dualities come together (visually the hands come together). And, in this place where the dualities come together, it becomes a non-question- the whole issue of knowing or not knowing what I’m talking about disappears. It’s a non-duality, a non-question. I have the freedom to sometimes know what I’m talking about and sometimes not know what I’m talking about.

So, there are all these things like this. And, this is part of what we do at the Freedom Experience. We identify all these places of duality

  • “I’m not pretty enough” and “I’m trying to be pretty”. It has this duality and tension rather than just being.
  • I may be trying to be smart but that means I also repress or shutdown not being smart. I hold this open question/judgment: Am I smart or am I not smart?

So, there are all these dualities in these thoughts and beliefs that we hold about ourselves. And when it goes away there is this freedom from the struggle in between these dualities (and that’s why we call it the Freedom Experience).

Another judgment could be that “I’m too scared”. If you take the energy out of it, it collapses to “I can be scared or not scared.” And, then in any given moment it may be: “I can be scared or not scared, but I’m feeling scared right now. And, the whole resistance to it changes, it becomes “oh I wonder why I’m scared now, maybe I should pay attention.”

So, the more that we can identify these dualities and let all the energy out of them, there is more freedom to just be.

In the original example, once I let the energy out, knowing what I’m talking about or not knowing what I’m talking about isn’t even a consideration. It just doesn’t occur. It’s more “maybe I do and maybe I don’t.” Self-trust comes in. There is a deeper truth that comes in when I don’t have to know or not know. The more we get out of needing to know, the more we get into source.

Every time we can collapse one of those dualities, the more we are connected to source.


To read more about our members calls, click here 

To read more blogs on self-identity and ego, click here 

Self-Care

I was teaching at the Mountain Experience and someone asked me about how they could learn to be better at self-care.  I was in a feisty mood as a teacher that day and I said, “everything you do is self-care.” There was a bit of a stunned silence.

It is true.  There is nothing you do that is not the most self-interested thing you can think of at any moment, even when you are giving yourself away, on some level you think it is in your best interest.

However, as we learn to live at altitude and recognize the levels of consciousness, we can see that by raising our level of participation, our understanding of what self-care is changes and becomes more rewarding.

If you decided to believe that your every action was self-care, 100% of the time, how would that change what you decided to do?  How would that change how you perceived your level of fulfillment and satisfaction with life? How would you stay a victim of anything?

Self-Worth

Much of the suffering I see in people is around the topic self worth. What is the value of a person?  How do you compare the relative value of people?  The way I see it is that the absolute value of a person = 1. It could be any number but I chose 1. In that case the value of every person = 1. So, the relative comparative value between people is always 1:1. I am having fun with my simple math skills but it came home to me so profoundly this weekend at The Mountain Experience, through Inquiry Method, in a context of sanctuary, that every person has a profoundly unique and paradoxically equal value. Amazing!

Below all the patterns, habits, behaviors, pain, ego, voids, drive…, humans are beautiful and good. We are all uniquely, profoundly and equally worthy of an amazing life. This is not to say that all participation and contributions are equal and the same, but fundamentally we are equally worthy. It is an amazing gift of this work to be able to see clearly through all my layers of judgement and also be able to see through all the coverings and protection of another person to the unique, beautiful being inside. I feel so fortunate to have had this experience, to deepen my understanding of this life changing principle and to witness others having this awakening- such a supreme gift of The Mountain Experience.

~Kyle