Emptying Out

Emptying out is an important life practice, as we go through our day/lives we accumulate thoughts, impressions, feelings, ideas, hurts, judgments, etc. There is a way that these things start to block our system, like a form of mental or emotional constipation.

It is important to clear our system out regularly to a safe listener. Some people know this consciously or unconsciously and practice it regularly with friends. Others don’t practice it and don’t necessarily value it or understand it. Part of this is that we are often conditioned to fix problems and focus on that, rather than listening.

Fixing is not the point, emptying out and being heard is the point.

I often give the talking stick exercise (practice) to my relationship clients to practice this and create a new dynamic in the relationship. It is wonderful to have a partner to whom you can empty out to. Emptying out feels clean, it clears up your thinking and reasoning and opens up your clogged mind to be free to think about creating things, gratitude, love, socializing, playing, and anything else you would like it to be doing rather than being stuck in endless loops of thinking and perseveration.

Read more about the talking stick exercise in this earlier blog

Liberation

First, you want to survive.

Second, you have needs.

Third, you want fairness.

Fourth, you have wants.

Fifth, you are ready to listen.

And at last, you are ready for truth.

~ Kyle Mercer

Opinion and Truth

There is a big difference between your opinion and the truth.

Opinions are imposed, truth is shared.

Opinions can be argued, truth cannot.

Opinions need defending, truth does not.

Opinions are thoughts, truth is self evident.

Opinions come from you, truth comes through you.

Opinions are arrogant, truth is humble.

Opinions are force, truth is love.

Opinions create separation, truth brings us together.

Opinions can be owned, the truth is for everyone.

Truth can be proved, opinions cannot.

Truth is found through inquiry, opinions are invented at whim.

You don’t get credit for the truth, only your capacity to hear it.

Truth told as an opinion loses its power.

We each have a choice which one to hold most dear, but they can never be equal.

~ Kyle Mercer

Tapping Into Your True Nature

I was teaching at the Mountain Experience today, and guiding participants to explore their true nature. There is some  confusion about true nature, and what one’s true nature is. In fact, there is a certain part of some people that believes that there is something wrong with their true nature. There is nothing wrong with who you are: that is either the mind, emotions or the ego trying to solidify you into something other than what you are.

The best way to discover, learn or understand who you are; is to reflect on the certain moments in your life when you were in a condition, place or situation when everything drops away. For some people it is in nature, at a certain place, with their children or a lover, or in a certain situation where they truly feel and tap into their true essence. Each one of us have had a moment where we can truly  relax and our true essence can come out. It  may come out as love, gratitude, appreciation, joy, happiness, lightness or ease. Think of a moment when you feel most yourself, when your truest self came forward; reflect on what came out of you when your real authentic radiated.

I want you to know that your true essence is always there, even when you are in struggle, full of emotion or in difficult situations. Underneath all that angst, the fundamental you is just like the you that comes out in the very best situations. This work we are doing in Inquiry Method is the work to shed everything that is not that, so your true self can naturally come more truly and authentically to the surface.

Truth

There is no such thing as my truth. There is only The Truth. My truth is always ego. I can report my experience. I can report my feeling. I can report my thought. But The Truth is always non-personal and non-subjective.

~Kyle

The Power of Victimhood

At the Mountain Experience, I introduce the map of consciousness I call Levels of One Self.  On this map I introduce Level II: Exchange.  Among other aspects of being at this level of consciousness, Exchange is when we make conscious and unconscious agreements with each other in order to get what we want and need from each other.  This is the level at which we entangle with other people, where we feel controlled by others ups and downs, and where we resent others for not being better than they are.

There are so many implications to understanding the impact of imbalances (giving self away) at this level that it could be its own book.  However, I wanted to share one aspect that has become so evident to me recently.

The primary currency at the Exchange level is guilt; in Exchange, if I give myself to you I become a victim to you, I become a martyr to you without your participation.  Now, because I have given to you, you owe me.  The classic line that demonstrates this is: “After all I have done for you, the least you could do is…”.

When we are participating in life at this level we often collect and archive debts in our relationships, like little “victimhoods” all around us, and then look to collect them. You can create these debts without the other person’s permission or even knowing and then hold it against them.

On a larger scale, we can even collect “victimhoods” against life, society, God, businesses… many of us make a lifetime habit of this.  It interferes with relationships and the worst part is the effort and suffering it takes to continue to carry the burden of our victimhood.

If you are going to create contracts with people, it is better to make open contracts that are clearly understood and agreed to by both parties.  If you are going to give, give without expectations.  As for the rest of the world, do you really want to walk in life as a victim of anything, such as the economy, politics, traffic…?

Start noticing your victimhood, or your collection of debts and unfairness’s, and write them down and keep track of them (at least this way you won’t have to keep thinking about them as you have them in a safe place). See if you can become aware of the burden you experience by carrying them, see if you can recognize the damage they are doing to your relationships.  Over time keep adding to your list so you can track your habit, as you become more clear of areas where you may perceive yourself as victim, you may want to authentically cross some things off your list forgiving yourself and others.  Note what you feel when you cross something off your list. Over time, you may find that instead of growing, your list is shrinking.  Freeing yourself from victimhood is a powerful step in your evolution.

 

Unasked Questions

Truth and knowledge are very powerful and can be a grounding force in your life, if you can find the courage to deploy them effectively. So often when I am coaching, we discover the biggest challenges can be better understood and resolved through obvious, unasked questions. The courage to ask those unasked questions is the power of Inquiry Method™.

See if you can find the unasked questions in your life, in your work environment and personal relationships. Find the courage to ask them and watch the transformation unfold.

Love,

Kyle