Question & Answer: Emotional Trauma Stemming from Childhood

We are starting to do a series of blogs based on questions that have been sent in. The blogs will be created based on dialogue between Olivia and Kyle as he considers the questions.

If you have a question you want to be answered, please email us at info@inquirymethod.com

Why does it seem that most of our emotional trauma stems from childhood?

There are a number of reasons, the most significant being, brain development. For the first 8-9 years of life, we are in the theta state. This brainwave pattern is the same as a hypnagogic state, meaning, under hypnosis. As successive brainwave patterns develop, we start to think abstractly which allows us to armor ourselves a bit to incoming thoughts, beliefs, and ideas. However, in our early brain development, especially before age 7, it’s like the child is under hypnosis. Young children have no defense for anything that they see, hear, feel, or experience. There’s no conscious capacity for defending or protecting themselves. Everything in that state is truth. Everything a child sees, hears, understands, or experiences goes in as direct experience of the world. Relationship patterns, who they are in the world, their importance, their relationship to other people, their value, their worth, their beauty, and the foundation for how they see themselves is developed during this time.

If you think about it, to a 4-5-year-old, parents are like these huge living Gods that can dispense pain, pleasure, approval, and disapproval. They are the source of love and the source of anger. They can predict the future. They can tell, seemingly by magic, that you’ve eaten chocolate. You have a little bit on your nose, but you don’t know that, so it seems like magic.

Our parents seem to be all-powerful beings, so when something scary happens or we get hurt, as a protection mechanism, we store the pain and begin to create coping mechanisms so that the gods won’t be angry. That little child tries to adapt itself to be in a relationship with these much more powerful beings without the protection of knowledge or understanding. To a child, the family is its whole world and as such, the child is profoundly affected by it.

That’s why I say that at the Mountain Experience, we are deprogramming people from the cult of family. Adults have abstract gods but children have living all-powerful, all-seeing, all-knowing gods.

Most of us also had parents who weren’t fully developed adult human beings. What I mean by adult, in the context of Life at Altitude, means fully developed human beings that no longer need anyone else to fulfill them. They are just totally available to the child. Most of us had parents that were coming from their childlike patterns as well, still trying to fix and repair their childhood issues. There was no way for them not to pass on those same misunderstandings and misbeliefs.

None of this work is about damning or putting down your parents. I’ve never met a parent that wasn’t doing their best given what they had and what they knew. If we get into damning our parents then we have totally missed the point. In the end, all the wounds and struggles we endured in childhood, if we can work through them, they can become our power, our gifts, our insight, and our love.

While working through these childhood imprints is crucial to living a Life at Altitude, it is far from the only work. It is, however, the first step to waking up to the altitude that we can all achieve.

Living Philosophies

There is a range in philosophies of life from Living Philosophies to Concrete or Non-Living Philosophies. On one end of the spectrum, Living Philosophies continue to evolve whereas Concrete Philosophies are static.

Living Philosophies are informed, updated, and, in a way, transformed by new ideas. Living Philosophies have truth at their core and they are constantly finding new ways of expressing, transmitting, and communicating that truth to others. Practitioners of Living Philosophies continue to experience deeper and deeper truth through this evolution.

Living Philosophies are inspired by creativity and source. The intention of Living Philosophies is to feel and experience truth at the highest altitude.

At the other end of the spectrum, Concrete Philosophies tend to have an emphasis on established practices, thoughts, beliefs, and ideas. Concrete Philosophies have an emphasis on the words and processes that have come before. They emphasize ritual and language that are static.

Living Philosophies can get sidetracked or lose their way in their evolution if they aren’t closely shepherded and guided by those in direct connection with truth. They can become concretized if people adopt the words and practices (while not in connection with the truth), and then start to lend intellectual or dogmatic interpretations to the words, documents or rituals associated with those ideas. If they start to treat the philosophy in a dogmatic way, it can become static and concretized.

It’s not that a Concrete Philosophies can’t lead one to spiritual experience, understanding, or growth. It’s just that those processes are no longer evolving. Often the problem with Concrete Philosophies or the concretizing of Living Philosophies is that the words or ideas become more important than the experience.

A Living Philosophy is adaptable to the need or character of the individual. A Living Philosophy is informed by interaction with its followers. It’s informed by the individual practitioners, and so the philosophy continues to evolve thru interaction, and the individuals experience deeper truth and deeper understanding through this evolution.

It is beautiful to see the trend of many traditionally Concrete Philosophies moving toward the living end of the spectrum.

 


Can you think of examples? Have you lived by any Concrete Philosophies? How about someone you know? How have you experienced Living Philosophies? Do they feel different?

Commit to the Arc

We’re trying something new. We’re recording the blogs on audio in case you would rather listen to them than read them. Click the play button to listen or scroll down to read the blog.


Yesterday I had a two-hour coaching session with my new roommate who is a racing driver. We went out on the LA streets and highways and into Topanga Canyon. He was coaching me on driving. I learned about race driving and we had an ongoing conversation on what a metaphor for life driving is.

One of the interesting things we worked on was cornering. When you enter into a corner you want to enter from the outside, and then you steer into the corner cutting it off within your lane. But, you don’t fully commit to the corner, or what they call the Apex. You start into the corner, there is a little bit of caution in that you wait until you can see your way out, then when you can see your way out, you steer for what is called the apex. The key is to not make any jags or jerks once you commit to the arc because if you make a jag or a jerk it puts extra pressure on the traction of the tires and can cause a wreck. So, the higher performance that you are the more you have to commit and anticipate and be right on the arc.

I had a coaching client come over my house right after going driving. He’s committed to being a screenwriter and he was questioning it.  We were able to see how he got derailed from his screenwriting career because he didn’t stay in the arc of it. We agreed he was going to write for a year and he questioned it and it really threw him off track. So, we got him back onto the arc that he had intended and is going to follow through with it.

There is this quality in racing, that is also the same as committing to coaching in Inquiry Method, or committing to your growth or committing to your business; that once you have the inspiration and you commit to a thing, the key is to follow it through until you exit, follow whatever you are doing until there is a completion rather than jumping off in the middle. There are times when it seems uncertain or that it may go wrong, or that there is an obstacle in your way, but for your safety and for a good outcome, you commit to the arc.


Here is the link to Josh’s Blog (Excellent Human and Driving Coach Extraordinaire): https://www.racermentor.com/blog/

Cleaning up your messes

I’m a bit of a clean freak. Not in the way we traditionally think about it, but in keeping my life sanitary, or you could even say sane-itary.

There is a quality of having backlogs and things undone that can take you out of the moment and burden your present. I notice the more sane-itarty I am, the more I’m able to appreciate and be in the present, and be present with whoever I’m with.

One example of being sane-itary is not having a pile of unread trade journals on your desk, another example is that I, for the most part, keep my email inbox hovering around zero. Sometimes there are 10 things that are kind of bookmarks or reminders, but I regularly process all my emails. Being up to date with things like wills, insurance, home repairs, appliance repairs, car care, bills paid, letters sent, communication made, plans updated. For some reason, these kinds of things hover around you all the time as long as they remain undone in your mind. They clutter your mind. They clutter your energy field. They clutter you emotionally and mentally. Even a disorganized closet, unwashed clothes, or unmade bed can trigger the feeling that there is always more to do. Sometimes it takes an effort to sanitize these things, but it is great to get on top of them or to have some maintenance program to stay sane-itary.

Suggested Self-Inquiry: Make a list of all the things that you would have to do to get sanitary and start cleaning them up. Even just making the list is a step in the right direction, it gets it out of your head and into a context where you can address them.


To go a little farther on this topic: read this blog about shifting your life from doing to being and read this blog about blocking time.

Meet Peggy

Hi wonderful people, I’m Peggy! I wanted to take a minute to introduce myself.

I just joined the team at Inquiry Method and wanted you to know a little more about me and what I’ll be doing. For a long time, Kyle has had a vision for more connection and community and I’ve come in to help build that connection.

 

MY BACKGROUND:

I’ve been involved in the philosophy for a long time and I was first introduced to this company and the concepts at the age of 7 when my mom started coming to events. Her enthusiasm spread, and consequently, I was raised by an incredible community of relatives who also embraced the philosophy. I attended my first One Day/Personal Renewal when I was 8, my first Mountain Experience when I was 12, and became a Graduate of all of the experiences by the time I was 18. I grew up understanding how to feel my own truth and how to follow it, how to love with overflowing warmth, and how to create a space of safety and acceptance for myself and for others.

I’ve spent the last 11 years working in community organizing and activism – training people on how to effectively move forward on the path for things they care about. I spent that time working with people from all walks of life, but throughout it all, I got to focus on listening to where people were at, what was in their way, and I got to help them get clarity around what they wanted and how to get there.

Now I’m here, and I’m looking forward to supporting you on your path.

 

WHAT I’LL BE DOING:

Upfront, I want you to know that I would LOVE to talk to you. I want to hear your ideas and to share my energy and enthusiasm. I want to support you to take the next step towards being your whole amplified self.

If you’ve been involved for a long time, I want to help you continue. I want to help raise the quality of what we offer you, and help you design the next phase of what you are looking for.

If you’re just getting started, I want to support you. I want to give you the best experience possible. In the immediate, I want you to be able to achieve and resolve what you are looking to. And then, help you continue to get more in touch with your own source and continue in the process.

If you used to be involved and you stepped back, I want to re-connect and see what is possible in this phase of your life. Invite you to re-discover the philosophy in the context of where your life is now.

If you don’t know what you’re looking for, but know you want more of this. I want to introduce you to tools and events that allow you to stay present in the process, or at least regularly inspired and invited to participate in your own growth.

Wherever you are at, I’ll be reaching out to you to see if you’d like to talk. I want to meet you and hear your story. If you want to talk now, send me a quick note at peggy@inquirymethod.com or sign up for a time here.

I look forward to connecting with you!

With love and gratitude,
Peggy

Reducing Your Shoulder

A good friend of mine dislocated his shoulder at a retreat I attended last week.  A dislocated shoulder is very painful and scary; my friend had amazing composure and presence in his discomfort.  However you cannot, like in the movies, put it back in yourself, you need help.

I have been trained how to “reduce” (the term for putting it back in the socket) a dislocated shoulder but I have never done it, two very different things. We made a call and got additional professional instruction, which involved my friend laying face down on a massage table, supporting my friend to relax and let go, and then gently pulling down and rotating his arm back into place.  It happened easier than we could imagine. It dropped back in almost effortlessly, painlessly, to tears of relief and gratitude.

Inquiry Method is the same.  Inquiry Method works because we receive loving, skilled support.  It works because we are in connection. It works because we are held.  It works because we can deeply relax. It works because we can allow ourselves to return to our natural state.  Our being wants to return to wholeness.

We are never broken, but we may have some things dislocated.  If you want to reduce your dislocation, get skilled loving support. Put yourself in the position and location where you can resolve your dislocation and allow yourself to receive support.  When you resolve your dislocation you will experience tears of relief and joy as you return to your natural state of wholeness.

 

 

 


Looking for a place like this? Come to an event or schedule a call to talk through how we can support you

Honesty vs. Vulnerability

I was walking with a friend the other day and they and they said they were working on being honest in all their relationships.  There was a little part of me that cringed.  In my experience in having people “be honest” with me it usually meant that I was about to be criticized, honesty often has the quality of telling me about something they judged about me.  In a momentary burst of genius I said “I would rather you be vulnerable with me”.  They got it immediately and agreed that vulnerability would be more productive and lead to more closeness and intimacy.

In my mind, and I think culturally that there is a big difference between honesty and vulnerability.  In vulnerability we tend to share about ourselves, we are willing to be seen and have nothing to protect, we recognize and take responsibility for our feelings and actions. In honesty: “I think you are a real jerk sometimes”, in vulnerability: “sometimes I feel insecure around you”.  Which one creates more connection?  Which one makes you a victim and which one empowers you to grow and change?  I would love to hear your honesty vs. vulnerability comparisons; post some examples to help us all see the difference.

Much love,

Kyle

How Are You?

When somebody asks “how are you?,” what do you say? Do you say “fine?” If so, I suggest going online and looking up what the acronym “F.I.N.E.” stands for. Do you say “good” or “bad?” Do you give a superficial answer, or a deep answer?

Sometimes, if someone is asking to be polite, it’s appropriate to say “I’m fine, how are you?” Sometimes, when it seems like someone is genuinely asking, we can be more honest. We may say that we didn’t have a great day, or we are not feeling very well.

My suggestion? Don’t use any of these answers. The next time someone asks how you are, give them a percentage. If you had a bad day, respond by telling them you’re 5% good. If you’re in a good mood, share that you’re “90% awesome”. This small habit will start to free up how you’re feeling. It can get rid of the mindset that anything under 100% is bad; if you think about it, even 25% awesome is pretty good!

Love,

Kyle

Inquiry Management™ eCourse Launch: Lots of Exciting Things Happening Here!

There is so much going on around here lately, and the recent clarity of focus and understanding has created a whole new wave of enthusiasm and engagement. Now we have Mountain Experiences, Freedom Experiences, the Stop Parenting Book, Inquiry Weekend Experiences, Blogs, and Podcasts. To add to the excitement and energy, it is time to announce the release our first eCourse. The eCourse is a powerful segment that focuses on business, but also applies to family, relationships, and self.

The eCourse introduces the understanding of the Levels of Participation, or how we play with and interact with others. This understanding is an extremely profound and impactful understanding in every aspect of our lives, and will impact those around you and yourself. The eCourse is a fundamental building block, entry point, and deepening point into Inquiry Method™.

I would like to share this with you! The eCourse consists of nine classes, with each class taking about 40 minutes. It also includes an individual, private workbook for your reflections. You will love the course and the course is a wonderful way to share the philosophy with people you care about and others around you.

Part of the intention for this course is to give you, your employees, and your family a way to understand the concepts and communicate how to work and play together. Levels of Participation is vocabulary that we are sadly lacking in our culture. This eCourse will undoubtedly help you in your personal and professional life.

Inquiry Management™ eCourse can be licensed for individual use or alternatively site licenses are available for your corporation. Sign-up by 11/30/2017 to receive $50 off. Enter the coupon code “welcome” upon checkout!

You will find more information HERE

Growth Centered Business

What if we were to change our whole idea of what business was for?

What if the primary purpose of business was to grow people, to support them in their own personal success and fulfillment?

It is time for a revolution in business; in why we do business and how we do it. There is no question that a business that is committed to the success, growth and fulfillment of the people who work there will be successful, will experience growth, and ultimately will provide abundance for everyone involved.

There is no question that this kind of business will create amazing products and services. There is no question that the relationships that are created with customers will be mutually beneficial.

The divide we have created between work and life, career and happiness, between a paycheck and a lifestyle is killing us all slowly. It does not have to be this way.

From here on out I am going to call these kinds of businesses Growth Centered Businesses. In a growth-centered business, values trump and inform systems rather than the other way around. Leadership and mentorship go hand in hand. There is an awareness of the ambitions of everyone in the organization and a commitment of support to create an environment that rewards and encourages success and growth.

The primary intention in a Growth Centered Businesses is that employees and owners live fulfilling and meaningful lives on every level, that they feel that they are giving their best, and their best is getting better; that, as we give our best, it amplifies and improves our lives rather than takes over our lives.

The experience of work should be fulfilling, meaningful, exciting, and supportive; it is something we should look forward to; it is an environment where we must feel we are expressing and growing our best selves. Let’s start the revolution now; first with ourselves and then with everyone who looks to our leadership.