Hey everyone! Olivia here. We had an amazing Hot Topic Call this week on Relationships and Awakening the Want for Us! It was a beautiful call about creating and implementing a shared vision for a relationship. Before creating a vision, we need to have a solid foundation of communication. So, that is what Kyle and I want to share with you today.
Enjoy this video blog where Kyle and I dive into a conversation about using Inquiry in relationships and how to create a solid foundation for healthy communication.
Check out the full video and some main points of our discussion below.
The first step to finding a solution to any problem is to go into Inquiry. Our ego wants to solve the problem but until we do Inquiry we are only seeing the issue through our own lens, our own assumptions, and our history or past assumptions. Inquiry is about seeing things from someone else’s perspective because our ego’s instinct is to try and run the show.
Inquiry is a practice that helps us get out of our usual response pattern. When we get triggered, our consciousness drops to the level of needs and our capacity to relate to another person ceases. At that point, we are only relating to ourselves.
It helps to set a container so that we stay on track while practicing Inquiry. One way to do this is by using the Talking Stick Exercise.
When we get triggered during Inquiry in a relationship we have two options. First, we can take a breath and consciously set our reaction aside. Second, if we can’t do the first option, we can call a time-out.
It’s okay to have a discussion with your partner while you are triggered if you properly set it up. You can ask them to hold space for you while you express something without trying to fix it or without unwanted reflection.
Creating a container helps us know the game we are playing and the rules of play. This way when someone starts playing a different game it’s easy to recognize and get back on track.
We can have all different kinds of relationships. Not all of them need to be intimate.
Real-relating or a relationship at Altitude is a collaborative relationship where both people are able to get outside of themselves. When two people can set aside their egos and stop trying to get their individual needs met, they have the opportunity to create something larger than themselves. This is where relationships can become generative and where two people can begin to create a Want for Us.