What is your reaction to being controlled?
I can always detect control, because when my system recognizes control, I resist. It may be subtle, but I can feel the beginning of a sense of resistance. To free myself from this resistance to being controlled, I simply give myself a choice about what I want to do.
How can you tell if you are being controlling?
You will feel or experience resistance from the other person. This is 100% effective.
If you are feeling resistance from someone else, you are being controlling.
The opposite of control is creativity. Creativity recognizes the power of engaging others in a story.
If you want to have the engagement and participation of others, without resistance, use creativity to create a story that they want to participate in. This also is 100% effective.
If you want to know what kind of a story they would love to participate in, use inquiry to find out.